Guidelines for Faeryland
by FaylinnNorse
Summary: Faeryland can be a dangerous place, these rules will help you to better survive in it. A bit of ridiculousness celebrating the great cliches of fairytales.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own fairytales.

Faeryland can be a very dangerous place, particularly for girls in their young adult years. These guidelines will help make your stay in Faeryland a more desirable time, and perhaps even save your life.

**#1. Never take things from strangers.**

You've heard it a million times before, but it's true! Whether its apples, combs, corsets, or spinning lessons, they likely want to make you go to sleep and then marry some guy that's like a hundred years younger than you! Talk about wrong...

**#2. If you have a step-sister that your mother completely hates and is ridiculously cruel to, run don't walk to the nearest exit!**

She's likely far prettier and nicer than you, and will definitely be the one who gets the prince. You have a far better chance of good fortune if your a poor, lost girl out on the streets.

**#3. When picking out shoes for the next ball, choose size accordingly:**

If you want to snare a prince, get shoes almost exactly right, but just a size too big so that they're likely to fall off.

If you don't want a prince, make sure your shoes will stay on!

**#4. Never allow yourself to be locked in a tower by some sweet old lady who makes cookies.**

Your father probably took stole lettuce from her back before you were born, and she's just dying for revenge. She'll never let you out.

**#5. Being 16 years old.**

16 is _the_ most dangerous age for a girl to be in Faeryland. Everyone is either going to want to kill you or marry you. If you want a normal life, you might as well just go lock yourself in a tower. (Just don't leave it to the sweet old lady who makes cookies but wants revenge from your father for stealing her lettuce.)

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Well, what do you think? If people like it and I have enough ideas, I'll keep writing it. I could probably do at least another chapter or two.


	2. Chapter 2

**#6. To simplify matters, leave a calling card in your shoe.**

The prince won't have to go around seeing if your shoe fits every woman in the kingdom, plus he won't be paying as much attention to how big of feet you have!

**#7. Don't stay out partying all night with your eleven sisters.**

Your Father is bound to think you're all cursed and will start bribing men to find the curse.

**#8. If you're a servant girl, don't worry about it.**

You're probably actually a princess or something, or you'll at least catch the prince's eye

**#9. Judge people by how they look!**

No more of this we're all the same on the inside stuff! Dark, sinister-looking people are never good, they're always out to get you!

**#10. Stay away from fairies.**

They are very tricky beings, always out to get you somehow. Its best to just stay away from them.

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If you give me ideas, I will write more! 


	3. Chapter 3

Well, here's another set of guidelines for you! Sorry it took so long; this is kind of a laid back story for me, which I probably won't update too often, just every now and then. Anyhow, if there's anything in fairytales that just bug you, tell me, and I'll write a guideline about it! Ideas are much appreciated!**  
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**#11. Keep a prince with you at all times.**

They seem to be the only people capable enough to rescue you, though they always do choose such odd ways to do it. I mean, really, climbing up your _hair?_ Or _kissing_ you awake from your deathbed? What's the deal? Anyhow, they're also probably the only ones your capable of falling in love with, so you might as well keep them handy.

**#12. If it talks, kiss it!**

Whether it's green and slimy, or grotesque and furry, if it can talk to you, its probably some ridiculously handsome prince under an enchantment. Go for it!

**#13. If you're blonde and a princess, stay away from dragons!**

They seem to be convinced you're their type, so just stay away. Trust me, dragons are some of the only animals who are _never_ ridiculously handsome princes under some sort of enchantment. Even if they do talk.

**#14. If you happen to find out that you're cursed to die on your 16th birthday, then don't go back to the palace that night!**

Really, how stupid can you be? Remember that it is still considered your birthday, even if you _were_ born at dawn!

**#15. Stay away from making rash bargains like: "I'll give you my voice, if you give me legs!"**

Contrary to popular belief, relationships aren't based on how the two of you look together. Though you may be drop-dead gorgeous, and he may be dashingly handsome, if you never speak to him, its just not going to work out.


	4. Chapter 4

**#16. If your stepmother is holding conversations with her mirror, (particularly ones involving your death) run far, far away.**

It's just not a good situation. Its likely she's a bit whacked, but still has enough senses to come after you and believe me, she will. She's much, much more dangerous than she looked. On second thought, maybe you should just check her into a mental institution before you go.

**#17. Dwarfs equal Good, but not so bright.**

Yes, they might be incredibly cute and sweet, but let's face it, they're a little lacking in intelligence. First of all, they'll probably take off right when that odd old lady with the shiny red apples comes around (by the way, don't talk to her), and then they'll lock you in a glass coffin when you're not even dead! You should probably just skip their little cottage.

**#18. You'll never make it without perfect hair.**

Let's face it, you just can't have dull hair. Everyone who ever did anything important either had fiery red, golden blonde, chocolate brown, or raven black hair. If you're lacking in such vivid colors, find the Styling Station. On the other hand, if you want to live a fairly normal life, keep your mouse hair!

**#19. If you know how to escape, by all means, do so!**

Really. Use your brain. Don't wait for your prissy prince boy to come and then tell _him_ how to save you, just go do it! If you try, really hard, you might even be able to come up with a plan better than prissy prince boy! (Remember, he's the type that would climb up your hair or something equally ridiculous)

**#20. Stay away from tall, dark, hooded figures.**

Let's face it, they're evil. There's no getting around it, its the way they were made to be and shall forever remain. They're always out to kill you (even if they've never seen you before in their life) and they usually also want to take over the world because. (You ask, because why? Because it is their ultimate purpose and goal in life!

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I'm running a bit low on ideas so if you think of any, send them to me! 


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